Second chances
by soul-wanderer94
Summary: When JJ can't bear being reminded of her rape anymore whenever she looks at her daughter she leaves her and Emily behind only to come back months later, realizing she made a mistake and hoping Emily will be able to forgive her.


**This story came to me quite unexpected and you should probably get your tissues and some chocolate ready.  
Anyway, enjoy reading and leave me a review with your thoughts!**

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Nothing about the picture in front of her was giving away that anything could possibly be wrong with it.  
From where she was standing, slightly hidden behind a tree, it looked like a mother spending time with her daughter in the backyard on one of the first days of autumn.  
But for her it was different. She knew that something was wrong and she knew exactly what it was and that's what made her hesitant to approach the pair.  
Watching the girl swinging back and forth her stomach dropped as memories came flooding back.

_"__I know she's not quite old enough for this swing yet but I'm sure it will bring her a lot of joy once she's older." A smile graced Rossi's face as he set up the swing while Emily and JJ stood next to him, watching.  
"Thank you Rossi, I'm sure it will." Emily smiled, while an almost 4 months old Amelié animatedly moved around in her arms and observed everything that was going on around her.  
What JJ didn't know at this point was that this would be one of the last memories she would have of them together._

Gathering all courage she had she slowly approached the duo, her hands shaking ever so slightly the closer she got.  
It didn't take long until she was in eyesight of the brunette and the look in her eyes was one of utter surprise and shock.  
"JJ." She whispered under her breath while she tried to make sense of the picture in front of her. It had been so long since she had last seen the blonde and she had been almost sure she would never see her again, yet she was standing in front of her with a scared look on her face and in this moment she couldn't help but remember the last time she had spoken to her.

_"__I can't do this Emily. I don't know what made me think I could." JJ stood in their bedroom, her features tense and her eyes glassy from unshed tears. Emily slightly flinched at the use of her full name and even more at the strained tone in her voice.  
"We are in this together Jen. You are her mother and she needs you. I need you." Emily repeated the words she had said so often over the course of the past months. She knew the blonde was emotionally unstable but that wouldn't stop her from trying to convince her that things were going to be ok over and over again.  
"I don't know Em, I don't know." Tears streamed down JJ's face and she reluctantly let herself be pulled into Emily's arms before sobs started wrecking her body.  
The next morning, when Emily woke up, she found JJ gone, leaving nothing behind but a letter with her name on it._

"Emily." The name tumbled from JJ's lips and in that moment she was more afraid than ever that the brunette would push her away.  
"Why are you here?" Emily's voice was quiet and barely giving away her true emotions even though JJ could tell it took her everything to keep up that façade.  
Looking into those deep, brown eyes JJ knew she deserved the truth.  
"I made a mistake Em."

_The night of her disappearance she had hastily packed everything she would need until she knew where she was going and placed the letter she had written on her side of the bed where Emily would find it once she woke up before heading towards the nursery one more time.  
"I'm sorry baby, but I have to go. I'm so sorry." She whispered into the crib where her 4 month old daughter was sleeping peacefully with her thumb stuck in her mouth.  
She wished she wouldn't have to leave, wished she could be the mother her daughter deserved, but she knew she couldn't bear being reminded of what had happened to her over and over again and so she quietly left the house and shut the door behind her one last time._

"Yes you did." Emily eventually whispered and looked over to Amelié whose gaze was fixed on the woman she couldn't remember.  
"I'm sorry Em, you have to believe me. I just…I'm sorry and I know it will probably never be enough." JJ's voice almost got caught in her throat and she averted her eyes from Emily as best as she could.  
"Let us go inside." It wasn't a question and JJ was relieved that she hadn't sent her away so far, even though she knew this was only the beginning of their conversation.  
Lifting the girl out of the swing she settled her down on her hips and made her way towards the house, being closely followed by a tense JJ.

"Hey, will you be a nice girl and stay in the playpen for a while?" Emily warmly smiled at Amelié who only replied with a babbling of "Mama" Before busying herself with some of the toys that lay around her.  
Hearing her daughter calling Emily that made tears sting in the corners of JJ's eyes because it made her realize how much she had really missed out on. Of course she knew that Emily was her mother too, probably even more of a mother than she was most of the time, but some part of her had still wished that she would have heard this word first.  
"How long has she been saying this?" JJ quietly asked as Emily sat down next to her on the couch and Emily could tell that the word had caused her a lot of pain.  
"A few weeks now. Sometimes she isn't aware of its meaning yet but other times she uses it to get my attention." A small smile hushed across her face at the thought before she grew serious once again.

"Why did you come back? Why now?" The questions were racing through her minds and she couldn't help but ask them because she desperately needed some answers.  
"I just…I realized that my daughter, our daughter, doesn't deserve to suffer because of what I've been through. I have been a terrible mother in the past that's why I left, because I thought she deserved a mother who could love her without feeling pain whenever she looked into her own child's eyes. I just want a chance to make things right. With her. And with you. I know I probably don't deserve a second chance but I hope that maybe one day you can forgive me and let me into your life again." JJ was barely able to hold her tears back anymore and her entire body was shaking as she waited for Emily's reply.  
It took her a while to find the right words but eventually she did and quietly spoke up.

"When you left she changed. She would barely smile anymore and would withdraw herself from the world around her whenever she could. She was clingy and I couldn't leave her alone for weeks until she finally learned to trust a nanny. You leaving hurt me, but it hurt her the most." For a moment she was quiet and she watched as a few tears trickled down the blonde's cheeks, slowly but steadily.  
"But JJ, you are her mother too and you will always be and I would never refuse you to see her and be with her. The past months have been hard, I've been forced to take care of her alone and I had to explain to the team why you left when I barely understood it myself. But despite everything I still wished you were here with us, wished you could see how she changed and everything she learned. There wasn't a single day I didn't miss you." At this her voice cracked and she looked towards Amelié who was unaware of everything going on around her.

"Does that mean...?" JJ wasn't able to finish her sentence as she tried to hold back the sobs that threatened to escape her throat.  
"You deserve a second change JJ, despite you thinking you weren't good enough for her. She needs you. _I_ need you. And I think it's time for the old wounds to heal." Once the words were out of her mouth she gently cradled JJ into her arms and let the blonde cry until there were no tears left in her.  
She knew they had a long and hard way ahead of them but she also knew that they needed each other and that everyone deserved a second chance no matter what.


End file.
